navel ahead, avert your gaze « Letters from Grenada

navel ahead, avert your gaze

Bean loves the library. It’s always difficult to convince him to leave. Today was no exception. I dealt with it by whispering, Bean. Honey, come closer. Mommy wants to whisper a secret in your ear.

So he forgot about his tantrum and allowed me to pick him up. As I was helping him get his arms into the sleeves of his jacket, I spoke softly against his cheek,

Guess what Mommy’s doing tomorrow? Mommy’s going to school. (I’m taking classes so I can be an ESL teacher.)

Oh, he said, looking a little sad. He anchored his gaze to the floor.

Bean, what’s wrong?

Is your school very very far away, Mommy?

And I’m flabbergasted. The poor child is worried that I might go somewhere and leave him behind. I assured him that I won’t do that, and he seems soothed, but my heart is a little heavy tonight. He doesn’t understand why Grenada has to be thousands of miles from here, and dammit, sometimes I don’t either.