attention whore manifesto « Letters from Grenada

attention whore manifesto

My name is Maria, and I’m proud to be an attention whore.

This is not a passive-aggressive post.

One could certainly interpret what I’m about to say as a thinly-veiled response to a particular person or incident. It’s not. It’s me trying to put into words a chain of thoughts that’s been rattling around in my head for months now.

I’m troubled by the very notion of an “attention whore”. I think that we – myself included – have thrown that phrase around too freely. Generally speaking I’m a huge fan of hyperbolic turns of phrase. If you’ve been following me for more than ten minutes, you know this already. I’m the kind of person who refers to moderately awesome events as “epic”, without irony or compunction. I do this because over-the-top is my communication style and has been since I was nine. It conveys – accurately or inaccurately – the intensity of my thoughts and feelings. My experience has been that people either love or hate this about me. The feast or famine nature of my social presence is not for everyone, but it is what it is and I’m not about to apologize for it.

I love language with every ounce of my soul, but it is not sacrosanct. It is a living, breathing entity and it’s going to evolve, with or without our approval. But I digress.

My penchant for linguistic fruitiness notwithstanding, I find the attention whore construct and attendant shame to be distracting and dishonest. Here’s the thing: There’s nothing wrong with it. I humbly submit that the very act of creating a personal blog, etc. is narcissistic. If you wanted to create in a vacuum, you’d be communing with your Moleskine and merely lurking on the internet.

I’ve posted many photos of myself. Some of them gratuitous. Some of them revealing. Some of them with captions that implicitly or explicitly beg for feedback. I’ve been attacked for this, publicly and privately, directly and passively. I’ve seen the same thing happen to others. It’s a virtual wing-clipping and rarely serves a constructive purpose.

I’m not arguing that this is not attention-seeking behavior. It is. But it’s also more than that. For me personally, the quantity and quality of photos or sob stories I post on any given day has very little to do with my self-esteem at that moment and everything to do with how much free time I have and how lonely I am. In the simplest terms, I’m not here because I want you to tell me I’m pretty, I’m here because I like people, and connections, and talking and sharing. I’m here because I have stories to tell. I’m here because you people set my mind on fire. But even if every single thing I’ve ever posted constitutes nothing more than a blatant attempt at validation-pandering, what, exactly is wrong with that?

This is MY journey, and you’re welcome to watch. Or not.

I humbly submit that those of us who judge others for this kind of behavior are seeking a different brand of social media high, one in which you get your validation by making judgments that leave you feeling superior.

Clearly, I am guilty of that too. Right now. I’m OK with that. I’m exploring it, privately. I also have a new policy, and that’s that when I’m annoyed or digusted or turned off, I stop looking. I stop looking and use that previously wasted energy on seeking out things and people and situations that make me happy.

One last point, and this part is just for me. I’m not saying it doesn’t feel nice when someone compliments the physical me. But I’d very much prefer that you recognize my heart or my brain, my courage or my compassion, my wit or my insight. Those are compliments that mean exponentially more.