a fever dream « Letters from Grenada

a fever dream

I was asleep, in bed, in a place that looked like some kind of infirmary. The walls were made of stone and I had the sense that it was a makeshift hospital that used to be a convent or monastery. It was quiet, and if there were other patients I didn’t see them. I guess I was sick, but I didn’t get the sense I was dying. Just sleeping very very deeply and red and sweaty with fever. I watched myself for a while. And then you appeared. You walked in and sat in a chair next to the bed. I couldn’t see your face, but I knew it was you. You didn’t say anything out loud, and I didn’t wake. (Maybe you were praying? I’m not sure.)

After a while you got up and went to over the window, which was very tall and rather narrow. You stood there bathed in blinding sunlight. I was struck by how yellow the light was. You put your hands together in front of you as if to catch something and then – and then! – suddenly there was a ball of solid sunlight in your hands. It was exactly as beautiful as you’d expect such a thing to be. You walked back over to the chair, sat down and put the ball of sunlight in a clear glass bowl that was sitting on a little table near my head. After a moment the ball turned liquid. It was water but it was also more than water and it was still the same pale yellow. You took a white handkerchief and got it wet. Then you gently wiped my face with it. You did that for a while. I never saw your face, and the me in the bed never woke up. You wiped my face until it was cool. Then you quietly got up and left. And I woke up.

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