because sometimes words are meaningless
Don’t get me wrong. There are times when a well-timed and sincere apology mends what ails. But too frequently “I’m sorry” is just a bullshit way of excusing yourself for having done something you knew you shouldn’t have done in the first place. Other times the phrase becomes meaningless because it has just plain been repeated too many times. When a complete stranger clocks your achilles tendon with the wheels of her shopping cart, “I’m sorry” is (relatively) easy to digest. When a member of an opposing basketball team mutters it under her breath after elbowing you in the face for the third time in a quarter, not so much. When apologizing to a friend, it can be damn near insipid. Because chances are you should have known better.
Someone I knew in Grenada used to admonish me: “Stop it with your sorry, sorry sorry. Actions speak louder than words. If you were truly sorry, you wouldn’t have done so in the first place, ent?” And I rolled my eyes at him, even though (because?) he was right.
I’m thinking I’m going to need to learn to behave. I’m thinking I should spend less time online and more time in the woods with my notebook. I’m thinking I should start painting again. I’m thinking it’s time to stop coasting and rebuild my karma already.
Meanwhile, I’m also searching for less trite ways of saying “I’m sorry”.
Posted on May 14th, 2009 under Grenada • Tags: apologies, Grenada, introspection, LIFE, random, sorry. • 
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May 14th, 2009 at 5:39 pm
With a title like that, I don’t know what to say! It’s a constant struggle to not do those things that require a ‘sorry’ – and indeed, a bigger struggle to make saying ‘sorry’ cleanse whatever wrong…some people don’t even bother, at least you do!
good luck, do share if you have a revelation!
and do talk to us about how those woodland kharma searches go
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May 16th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
So true about the triteness of “I’m sorry”. We’re teaching our 5-year-old that she should only say sorry when she understands that she can’t do the offensive behavior anymore. Funny part is that my husband and I have to lead by example, so we’re practicing this, too. Not always easy, especially when we’re tired and cranky. For the rest – walking in the woods, painting, rebuilding karma – start small with one of those things. Plan to walk in the woods twice per month. Plan one painting session per month or week, whichever suits you. The karma thing can be done everyday in even smaller portions. Greet someone with a smile. Let someone merge in front of you on the highway. Stop at a yellow light. I’ve been learning to do things in small proportions, and it’s really working. Good to see you’re still blogging.
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May 17th, 2009 at 11:51 pm
We should all learn to behave. Every last one of us. Seriously.
It sounds like you’re giving yourself a pretty hard time. Maybe you need to. Maybe that’s how you get motivated. Just please don’t go overboard.
Maybe what’s missing here is not a new way to say, “I’m sorry” but rather true self-forgiveness. If you don’t forgive yourself, how can you expect anyone else to forgive you?
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May 27th, 2009 at 9:34 pm
You know, I was just trying to explain that a majority of apologies are empty and done simply be be nice – which ironically, lying isn’t very nice at all… My stance wasn’t met with understanding, but I’m not sorry about that.
May 28th, 2009 at 7:01 pm
meet you in the woods, I’ll be by the silk cotton xxx
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