Letters from Grenada

This list was inspired by a comment on YingYang’s blog. LifeOnARock blogs here and is another American living in Grenada. I’ve never met her.  She commented on YingYang’s post about “indecent exposure” in Grenada, saying this:

“When I first arrived in Grenada, I went out and about in St. George’s with camo shorts on. I was warned and threatened to be arrested on the spot for wearing them. I had no idea and I was incredibly embarrassed! I wouldn’t have worn them if I had known, and obviously I haven’t worn them since. People like me need a guide when they arrive that is “What NOT to wear/do/say in Grenada.”

I know how she feels.  Even after nearly four years here I have moments where I realize weeks or months after the fact that I have made some horrible faux pas, and that’s why such and such annoying other thing happened.  I’m no stranger to living abroad in general, and I’ve immersed myself in the local life since I’ve lived here (more than most foreigners, anyway), but I still feel like it would take me another four years at least to catch everything that goes on around me.  (And I’m not going to have those four years, but that is the subject of a future post.)

I remained blissfully unaware of the camo rule for a long time because I don’t have any such clothing.  But then one day two guys I used to work with were sitting by the road liming.  The first was smoking a spliff, the second was wearing a camo hat, and only the second saw trouble when the police passed.  So.

So I wrote a quick and dirty little list.  33 Things Not to Do in Grenada.

These items are in no particular order, but all are rooted firmly in my personal experience.  Please be advised, however, that this list is not comprehensive.  There are plenty more things one should not do in Grenada, I just figured I should stop at 33.

1.  Don’t drink the strong (aka white) rum.  If you order a rum and coke, specify that you want dark rum.  Otherwise you will feel, after one drink, that you have been head-butted by a horse.

2.  Don’t wear spaghetti straps to town, especially if you are going to the bank.  You probably shouldn’t even wear a sleeveless collared shirt, but I do, because I deplore tan lines on my arms.

3.  Don’t tell a Grenadian who makes you laugh that he’s “funny”, because funny means weird, or even queer.  Tell him he cracks you up.

4.  Don’t wear camo, anywhere, ever.  I’ve always thought that this was about the Revolution, but I just recently found out that the same rule holds in Barbados and St. Vincent.

5.  Don’t cuss.  Of course most people don’t need to be told this, but I did.  To make a very long story short, I realized that I use the word “fking” about as loosely as Grenadian men use the word “blasted”.

6.  Don’t gossip.  Everyone knows everyone.  In fact, chances are that the person to whom you are about to spill your guts is the cousin of at least one person in your story.

7.  Don’t find yourself in the bus terminal right after secondary school dismissal.  I hope this one is self-explanatory, because I really prefer not to go into detail.

8.  Avoid talking to any guy who says he wants to “talk” to you.  He does not mean that he wants to have a conversation.

9.  Don’t go inside the spice market unless you’re prepared to buy some curry or pepper sauce, at least.

10.  Don’t go to the fruit and vegetable market unless you have a good idea of what you should pay for produce in Grenada.

11.  Don’t litter at the beach, even temporarily.  You will be a pariah, and you shouldn’t do it anyway.  In fact, don’t litter anywhere in Grenada, and in the highly unlikely event that you encounter a Grenada Dove, leave it alone.  It’s endangered.

12.  Don’t wear shorts that come more that few inches above your knee.  You won’t get in trouble for this, but I personally am not comfortable wearing anything shorter than capris.

13.  Don’t leave your electronics in the open air.  This is especially true if you’re here for an extended period of time.  The sea air will get into your camera, your notebook, whatever, and eventually fill it up with salt, even if it never gets wet.

14.  Don’t just bite straight into a roti, unless you know how to eat around bones.  You should definitely try a roti though.  They’re utterly delicious.  I eat mine with a knife and fork, which is about as slick as eating pizza with a corkscrew, but say what.

15.  Don’t ask for ketchup.  Just don’t.  It’s not good for you anyway.

16.  Don’t go in a gas station looking for rolling papers.

17.  Don’t go to the cruise ship terminal unless you enjoy being harassed by taxi drivers.  I try to avoid St. George’s entirely on docking days.

18.  Don’t discuss your plans to have all the dogs in the yard neutered.  Strangely, Grenadian men will take this as a personal affront to their masculinity.  Just call the GSPCA and do it.

19.  Don’t wear a sundress or flowy skirt unless you want everyone to think you’re pregnant.

20.  Don’t get upset when the barmaid calls you “white girl”.  She means it with affection (or at least amusement), or else she wouldn’t call you anything.

21.  Don’t leave anything you care about in direct sunlight.  In particular, do not hang your chocolate brown, hand-tooled leather handbag near a window.  It will never be the same.

22.  Don’t leave your soup pot uncovered unless you like to eat crickets.

23.  Don’t offer anyone food that was prepared the previous day, or Jah forbid, came out of the freezer.

24.  Don’t forget to drink two times as much water as you normally would.

25.  Don’t get huffy when your North American dialect is misunderstood.  If something seems completely outrageous, slow down and figure it out.  Don’t assume you understand anything.  (Grenada was a British colony until recently.  That’s why they’re so damn polite.)

26.  Don’t leave clothing packed away undisturbed for too long, unless you want the ants to eat it.

27.  Don’t step on a centipede.  But also, don’t be a wuss about the insects.  You’re going to see moths the size of bats, so just suck it up.

28.  Don’t be afraid of the guy with the upraised cutlass.  He’s not an axe murderer, he’s just trimming the verge.

29.  Do not eat the tatoo or the manicou.  If you must taste something outrageous, let it be iguana.

30.  Don’t buy clothes or shoes here.

31.  Don’t go to the atm on a payday.  They actually run out of cash.

32.  Don’t let the women on Grand Anse Beach plait your hair.  (OK, go ahead and do it once.  But don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

33.  Don’t drink the under-the-table.  It’s not alcohol, it’s a hallucinogen.

And there you have it.  33 things not to do in Grenada.  I’m sure I forgot something…

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Posted on January 15th, 2009 under Grenada • Tags: caribbean, expat, Grenada, lists, living abroad, living in Grenada, LOL, memoir, other blogs, WTF. •  Print This Post •  Email This Post • RSS 2.0 feed • Leave a response, or trackback