Letters from Grenada

The best teachers in life are the ones who do not necessarily *tell* us everything they teach, but those who teach by example. The best teachers are those who let us make our own mistakes and learn from them. They are supportive, they are mentors, and perhaps the greatest strength of the best teachers is that they make us want to make them proud.

John was one of those teachers to many people. He was literally a teacher in Nuclear Power School, but it went much further than that, because so many people who knew and loved John were guided and nurtured by him too.

I believe he did this without even trying. It was just a part of being John. You could not know John without being somehow bettered for it.

As a father, he was both stern and warm, strong and loving. Most of all, he made sure we were prepared to take care of ourselves. He started doing that for my mom very soon after they met. I remember him taking her to Rockland Lake in the snow so she could safely practice losing control in bad winter weather. Lisa tells me that when she was 17 or so John handed her a cap and a pair of mechanic’s overalls and insisted that she learn to change a tire, start to finish, all by herself without any help at all. “I don’t want you getting stuck on the side of the road,” he said. And she didn’t.

John would decline to get involved in some things. His son-in-law tells me that while he was John’s student, he went to him and asked permission to date his daughter. “Fine with me,” John said, “but you’ll have to call up Cathy and see what she thinks”.

John loved to bring people new and wonderful experiences. I know that when Michael and Cathy and Lisa were very young, John took them on a trip cross country in a camper. I wasn’t there, but I know it must have been an incredible experience, because it always was when John took you with him on any of his quests of discovery, even if you were only going as far as the basement or the backyard.

I believe Nicole is the most blessed of us, because she had John from the very first moments of her life. I can tell just from looking at pictures how amazed he was by his beautiful little girl, and I saw myself how he was
a rock for her during these last eleven years.

For Robert and me, John was many things. He took care of our mother and made her happy and whole as we had never before seen her. I think we would have loved him for that alone, but there was more. He moved into our house, and his presence made it an even better home than it had been. He treated us as adults when we deserved, and like children when we didn’t. John did so many everyday things for Robert and me that we eventually stopped being surprised but we never stopped being grateful.

John was a teacher to my mom too, and that is no small feat because my mother is also one of those best teachers. With John, my mother because more self-reliant, more spiritually open, more ready to take on the world and more content with her life’s path. I think that with John, Kay became more Kay. Still the same as ever, but the best that she could be. I know that she will carry that with her forever. So thank you John. For
everything. We’re all going to miss you so very much. I’m both lucky and honored to be one of the many people touched by your life.

I will think of you often, and I’ll remember what Nicky told Alec, because I think it’s true: You’re in a beautiful place now, where you never ever have to wear long pants, and every day is a perfect sailing day.

Posted on September 16th, 2008 under Grenada • Tags: backstory, eulogy, memoir. •  Print This Post •  Email This Post • RSS 2.0 feed • Both comments and pings are currently closed